My question is what do you do when the playing is over? Going into it we will be horny and ready to get naked and have fun, but once all the orgasms are done, what do you do?

I just imagine that I will feel like we or they should leave. Kind of thanks that was great, see you next time.

Any advice or just what happened after your first time would be greatly appreciated.

I should say up front that we are totally new to all of this. I want to explore my curiosity of being with a woman. We aren’t interested in full swap, just girl on girl and then finish with our own partners, same room is fine. I met a girl on the dance floor and we danced and laughed and had a good time and she started kissing me and all was well. I got my husband and we joined them at their table where we sat around talking. I was very honest about what I wanted as was my husband.

When we got into a room it was totally different then we talked about and her husband who I hadn’t really gotten to know decides to very roughly stick his fingers in me. I was not a happy camper and my husband repeated again that wasn’t what we were into. I felt really nervous and I didn’t really know what to do, and I shouldn’t have but I felt guilty just leaving after we decided to take them into a room. Almost obligated to finish waht we started. The wife started making out with my husband and he was like are you comfortable with this and I tried to be but I wasn’t, and for the first time in 15 years Mr Happy wasn’t ready to go to work. I took that opportunity to say sorry guys my husband is really nervous and I don’t think this is going to happen and we got our stuff and left the room.

Needless to say I feel really sad and disappointed. I feel violated by this man who did not have my permission to do what he did to me. Were we taken advantage of because we were new? It feels like this guy used his wife to get to me. Like once they got us back there they could do whatever. Does this happen a lot? Did we do something wrong? If you tell someone up front what you are looking for and they agree shouldn’t they stick to it?

This was our first experience and while it was mainly good the end of the night has me so freaked out and I feel really depressed about it. Can we even go back or will this couple tell people we bailed on them and make us seem awful? We’d like to go back again but maybe just flirt and then put on a good show for everyone. Is that acceptable or do you expect full swaps from people while at clubs? Any advice is much appreciated.

We’ve gone to a swing club four times now.
It started out as… he wanted to go, and I had fantasies that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do or not. Because of the way we feel about each other, he suggested that we go and I could… get it out of my system, basically.
The first time was… an eye-opener. I did not like the energy, and I hated another woman touching him. I did not give oral on a man, however I did on two women and received from a woman, and my man only had intercourse with me. There was a woman there I know he wanted to have sex with, and he even asked me to get a condom, just in case. That hurt.
But, it was hot touching women. We both liked it.
The second time we went… it was just drama. I invited him to go because I didn’t want to hold him back from something he wanted, and because I wanted him to not want it basically. Horrible reasons I know. We had a very nasty fight, which started there, and continued until the next night. He invited me to spend time with him, and warned we might go. I couldn’t say no, so I cried, sucked it up, and he arrived and we left.
The third time… I was… okay. We were both enjoying it and there together. Near the end of the night we sat down with a couple and the woman and I started playing, and she went down on me as I gave my man head and her husband a handjob. Now my man (let’s refer to him as Brownie from here on out, cause ‘my man’ is almost degrading)… Brownie… didn’t like that couple. I had offered her to go down on him, which we had talked about me not liking before. But I felt okay with it with that couple.
Brownie told me afterwards he didn’t like them. They were old and he didn’t think she was attractive.
We went a few nights ago, the fourth time. Something new happened.
I had the urge to have sex with someone else. I didn’t, but the want was still there. I had even asked him earlier that night why he didn’t fuck me (pardon my language) like one man was doing to a woman. (I’m sure you’ve seen it… just rough, I need it NOW and I’ll do what I have to to get it, sex. Hardcore porno style.)

I guess I’m coping with having these feelings of loving someone and doing these things.
At times I’m really insecure, and I tried to explain that to him last night. Others I’m fine, happy to be doing it with him.
This is a place I would be if I were alone or with someone I didn’t care about as much, just to have fun.
I’m wondering how you all do it??? You love someone, and you’re promised to them (marriage) and you swing. Does it bother you? Do you like seeing someone else with your partner?
I think I would like to do a full swing… but half of me is completely and wholly against seeing him with another woman. Sick against it. But there’s a little part that I think might turn me on. And I feel the same about being with another man. There’s a little part of me that would have a huge pleasure in it… just raw, energetic sex. But I also don’t want another man inside me… that’s Brownie’s place.

Outside of this place we have an amazing connection, and the intimacy is… mind-blowing.
And I used to be like him… sex is just sex sometimes. But it’s really hard for me to go back to that when I love someone now.
It’d just be nice to hear that someone was in the same place once, and where they went with it.
I would really appreciate any insight and advice you guys have, and am willing to answer any questions if it would help your insight.
I’m very conflicted about wanting these things. I know he wants them, and I would love to be able to do them for him, and of course myself because I enjoy certain things too.
How do you work past it? I’m wondering should I?
I want to, but then again I don’t…
Haha please help!!!!!

Some background information: My wife and I are young (23), have been married for 2 years, and in a relationship for 5. We both are sex-positive advocates and are forward about it in appropriate contexts. We have been looking at the lifestyle for about a year, but are holding off for several reasons.

First, about 7 years ago my wife was raped, and she repressed it and kept it hidden from everybody. When we met, (me being a psychology major) I noticed several things that indicated she would need counseling. Through counselling and the growing intimacy of our relationship we figured out alot about how this traumatic event affected her. For starters, she severly struggled being sexual with people she cares about. This goes through seasons and sometimes we may be sexual a couple times a week, and others it might be a couple times in six months. However, she is completely ok with strangers, because she can emotionally disconnect from them.

Question 1: Considering her background, would swinging be a viable option for us.

Question 2: During her “valley” seasons, would it be a good or bad idea for me to swing alone (she is the one who suggest this and thinks its a great idea)

Question 3: Considering our age, her background, and the seasonal things, how difficult would number 2 be for me to find partner(s)?

Thanks for taking the time to read this!

We are somewhat new but have had 2 full swap exps and 2 softer exps. Mrs. Happy (me) is shy at first, and i feel i end up drinking to relax myself enough to be totally uninhibited,…which gets me into a little bit of trouble. Were meeting w/ a new couple, and also a repeat couple, all in the next 2 weeks.. i want to be prepared!

Its not the same as foreplay w/ your SO. You can plan it or have it happen spontaneously… but generally, it just happens in bed or when cuddling etc, but with strangers, or even repeat folks, it seems a bit awkward… lol.

The first time, (pretty hardcore soft swap exp) we went out to drinks, and talked for what seemed like eternity. Finally, i suggested the hot tub, and the girl got all excited. She then came over and asked if she could kiss me, then we got super hot and steamy in the tub. But, again, lots of alcohol involved to get to that point. Would have loved to tell her to shut up (mean i know, but she was a chatter box) so we could get to the real juicy stuff, lol.. but wasnt sure how.

The next couple we swapped with have been doing it for a few years. We did what we always do – out for drinks and a bite, chit chat laugh flirt.. get invited back to their place nearby, more drinks… then- awkwardness! lol. I sense they are interested, they know we are (why else would we come back to their house, or them to ours, hehe) and someone needs to make the move to “dive in”. I think i (the cute drunk girl, oi) started showing everyone my sexy lingerie bra/panties, and then the other girl said “i just want everyone to take their clothes off hehe…” she was so cute too (and drunk). So, we ended up going upstairs, her and I making out, on the bed, guys watching, and then we invited them to join in…and things got all steamy from there.

Another time, we met a cpl for drinks, and the girl got next to me at the bar, telling me she wanted to “do me so bad” (dirty talk is such a turn on for me), and we made out in the bathroom.. very hot, but we didn’t end up doing much more (long irrelevant story), but she was the aggressive one, and i was the passive one (which is generally the case…).

Re: the repeat couple, we all got really wasted last time, and ended up full swapping it kind of messy, but very hot none the less. However, I would actually like to remember my hot as hell swinging nights.. lol.. so, i feel being better prepared and having some plans in place to break the ice better (considering they are new too) will be helpful (and less messy maybe..). How do you all do it?

It seems, since i am VERY bi, either her or I need to be the one to break the ice once we get into that private location. But, being i am pretty shy/passive/new i need to figure this out.

Any tips for ways to do this better? Hubby doesn’t want to be the one to initiate, since he hates to be that “over eager man”. (in fact, he is so paranoid of being a creep that most cpls have to ask me if in fact hubby is even interested, lol). But, I really hate the awkward drawn out conversations and extra drinks that we consume when we all know we want to be naked and having HOT fun.

And, specifically the repeat couple- we have exchanged extensive emails discussing desires and fantasies…. how does one suggest we make sure these fantasies are actually played out? Does one person need to be the controlling/police person of the night? LOL. or do we just go into it all knowing what we want out of it…

I have some anxiety about this.. so maybe there is a better way ie: games, (truth or dare) or suggestions we can make during the dinner/drinks part. Or, perhaps the other gal and I need to come up w/ a plan together, since we are becoming friends w/ this cpl in particular..

Thanks all!!

Anyway….

Last night we went out to meet a couple, who’d invited us and a bunch of other couples to a bar. One of the other couples, it turned out, had written to us not once, but twice before. The first time was around a year ago and the second time was last fall. We had passed both times. They seemed like a nice couple, but their pictures did not do them any favors, and truthfully, we did have a lot going on at the time. We gave them the “we’re happy with our present routine, maybe we’ll meet at a party” type of almost-a-brushoff. Well, last night we definitely connected with them. They looked a lot better in person than in their profile pictures (boy they could use some help with those! I think their pictures hurt them and they shouldn’t have that hurdle!), and they were both outgoing, friendly and flirtatious. We didn’t realize who they were, except we knew we knew them, somehow. But from the look on his face and his mention of earlier emails, I got the idea that we had turned them down.

So later on, back at the host couple’s house, there were 5 couples. Mr. Fuse played for a long time with the lady of the couple we met through them. Though I was mostly busy with the boyfriend of the host (yum) I know I let the subject couple’s gentleman know I was interested. We didn’t get to do a lot, but he knows.

My point is that even when someone has passed on you, it doesn’t mean you will never connect with them. Leaving doors open is a good thing. Many other couples might have acted a bit cool, or even negatively, but these people did not and we are happy about it. They were very gracious and warm, probably more so than we would have been.