Swinger College

The most frequent question we get – by FAR – is ‘how do I convince my wife (or girlfriend or boyfriend or significant other) to give swinging a try?’

There’s a simple answer and a more complicated answer to that question.
The simple answer: you don’t. And here’s the more complicated answer:
Sitting where you are right now, you almost certainly already know in your heart whether you could convince your S.O. (significant other) to try swinging. The answer, of course, comes from where your relationship stands – if you’re in a healthy, sexually fulfilling and adventurous relationship, then there’s a good chance that when both of you understand what swinging is all about you’d both be willing to give it a try (and probably like it!). On the other hand, if you’re like 9 out of 10 guys (and sorry, it’s almost ALWAYS males asking the question!), you’re asking because you’re in a relationship that’s NOT sexually fulfilling and adventurous – you’re probably looking to try swinging to BE more adventurous!
If that sounds like you…well, you need to back up about a dozen steps before springing a question on your S.O. like ‘hey, how about we try wife swapping?’
Start by taking a look at your relationship, especially your sexual relationship. If it’s NOT the adventurous, fulfilling relationship you’d like it to be, figure out WHY that is before trying to ‘fix’ it by trying swinging.
If he or she’s just not interested in sex in general any more, is it because he or she’s simply bored with ‘the same ole same ole’ every time you hit the sheets? Is it because by the time he or she’s done with the workday, cooking dinner, getting the kids in bed and the laundry done, he or she’s just physically exhausted and not in the mood for sex? Is it because he or she’s always been somewhat repressed sexually because of  a religious or conservative upbringing or a past history of molestation?

Read this, understand this, KNOW this: Swinging is NOT going to fix a bad relationship.

There’s really no sense getting yourself all worked up salivating over the thought of screwing multiple partners at a swinger party if you have sexual problems at home. If you REALLY want to ever enjoy the swinging lifestyle with your S.O., you need to start with a firm footing – and that’s a healthy, fulfilling, emotionally satisfying sexual relationship FIRST. Take a long, hard look at what’s keeping you from having that type of relationship right now, and take whatever steps you may need to reach that point. And start with some communication – don’t assume that YOU Know what the problems are in your relationship, your S.O. is going to have his or her own opinion!
When you address your sexual relationship problems from an honest and understanding perspective, and work together to solve those problems, you’re not only improving your sex life, but your relationship and emotional and physical health as well. You might even discover that swinging isn’t what you wanted or needed – you’re happy just getting the ‘spice’ back in your life!
But if you try ‘forcing’ the idea of swinging onto a S.O. that’s not willing or interested, or force it as a solution to your problems, it almost always ends badly (and we’ve got a list of couples that fit that category). Use the ‘swinger card’ before your relationship is ready for it and you may as well not only forget any hopes of ever entering the swinger community, you might just ruin the relationship you have…without the right perspective, a ‘let’s try swinging’ comment comes off as ‘I want to screw other people and not you, I find others attractive, but not you.’
So the real answer to ‘how to I convince he or she’ is you don’t – if you’re in a relationship that’s healthy enough to handle swinging, there shouldn’t be much ‘convincing’ involved – maybe just a little ‘Swinger College education!’
How do you know if your relationship is strong enough to handle swinging? Take a look at your sex life currently. Is it one of the better parts of your relationship? Do you regularly try new things in bed? Do you enjoy watching adult videos together? Do you role-play or talk about fantasies during sex?
If not, you need to figure out what’s keeping you from enjoying those things.
But if so, then you’re well on your way to swinging. Watching adult videos, especially, is a great way to break the ice about swinging…get comfortable using adult videos to spice up your sex life (and remember – communicate when you watch videos, find out what things turn your S.O. on, don’t make it all about what you like!). If a video about about having two partners at once turns your S.O. on (and it just might!), talk about it. Once it’s part of your fantasies, it’s not a huge step to talk about how to make that fantasy come true…in the world of swinging!
And when you do decide that it’s a good time to bring up swinging, it’s always better if ‘your idea’ is something that benefits your S.O., not just you. Nobody wants to feel ‘forced’ to do something – and that goes double for anything sexual. If you bring it up and get shot down, have some patience. Let it sink in for awhile…try again in a few weeks. The thought of swinging might just be something that at first thought sounds bad, but the more your S.O. thinks about it, the more they get comfortable with it. Be sure your S.O. understands that you’re bringing it up to fulfill fantasies – and not just YOUR fantasy! Your S.O. needs to understand that the idea to try swinging is not meant to be a hurtful suggestion, it’s meant be helpful…you would never do anything to hurt the relationship!
And of course, once the idea becomes a ‘maybe’…well, make sure you’ve both graduated from Swinger College!
One final point…be sure the reason YOU want to try swinging is the RIGHT reason. If you’re just looking to screw some new people, take a step back and think about how it’s going to affect your S.O. first. If you’ve discovered swinging on the net and your S.O. doesn’t even know you check out adult websites, you have some work to do!