Let’s assume you’ve met a couple online (or maybe from a swinger ad in a newspaper or magazine). We’ll guide you through what to expect…
First things first…if you’ve talked with a couple online and maybe swapped pictures, make sure you’re actually talking with a couple and not a single guy posing as a couple (it happens far too often!) Online swinger sites are literally filled with guys like that (or, in many cases, it’s an actual couple, but only the guy knows anything about placing a swinger ad, the poor woman has no idea).
How do you make sure? Well, we always insist on talking on the phone with a couple before we agree to meet them in person. If the guy says his ‘other half’ is too shy to talk on the phone, we say ‘thanks but no thanks.’ There are just too many phonies out there…be sure!
Now, if you’re a couple looking for just one person to join you for a threesome, there are going to be more than enough guys out there to satisfy that fantasy…in fact, if that’s what you’re looking for, you can be as picky as you want, because you’ll have your run of eligible men (personally, we suggest only picking guys are are ACTUALLY single and not cheating…don’t put yourself in a situation where problems can happen!)
If you’re a couple looking for a woman to join you for a threesome, the selection is going to significantly tougher…there simply aren’t that many women out there just looking for casual sex with both a man and a woman (there are some, but few). If you find yourself talking with a single female who wants to experience a threesome, we definitely suggest verifying that you’re talking to an actual female before meeting. You’ll save yourself a lot of trouble.
It’s not as difficult to find a couple who will allow the woman to take part in a threesome and the guy just watches. Ask around, there are plenty of couples who will volunteer for that job….just beware the reverse (a couple where the guy wants to participate but not the woman), because almost always the guy is lying and his wife/girlfriend has no idea what he’s doing behind her back.
So….you’ve made sure you’re talking to an actual couple. The next step is where you’re meeting…in swinger talk if you ‘can entertain’ you can host people for fun at your house. If you ‘can travel’ you’re willing to jump in the car and visit somewhere else.
It’s probably a good idea when first meeting a couple to meet at a bar or restaurant instead of at their house or your house – that way you can make sure everything is on the up-and-up and everyone is comfortable before you’re in a more intimate situation.
If you do meet at a bar or restaurant, expect the usual small talk when meeting new people…what do you do, do you have kids, that sort of thing. Most people aren’t going to sit around talking about their sexual adventures in a public setting…and it can be embarrassing if they do. At some point, someone will suggest heading back to the next spot – your place, their place or a hotel – to continue things.
If you’re a first-time swinging couple, say so…most experienced swingers have enough tact to ‘go slow’ with a new couple and not push them into anything. But no matter what, let things happen at a rate that makes YOU comfortable…if you need to go slow, have another drink and maybe play a sexy game (strip poker is always fun!) then say so.
If you meet a couple and they’re not what you expected (and trust us, that does happen), you need to communicate, first with your partner and then with them. Most people would be happier getting a polite ‘you know, we’re just going to call it a night’ instead of finding out later that there’s nothing that’s going to happen. Don’t worry about insulting someone – use a little tact and you’ll be fine.
And of course, remember swinging’s #1 rule – NO means NO. If you don’t want to do something, you don’t have to, ever. If someone you’re with doesn’t want to do something, no means no. There is no wiggle room with that rule.
And lastly, don’t underestimate the importance of communication. Sure, you all know why you’re there, but if you’re meeting for the first time, the more communication that goes on, the easier things will be. Explain what your rules as a couple are, and ask if they have rules. Explain what you’d like, what you’re not ready for and what they’re expecting. Be open and honest about talking about sex – you’ll learn it’s easier than you think and it helps your experiences go much smoother!
Nice post!!