For most of our lessons we assume that you – as the student! – are part of a couple entering the swinging lifestyle. Swinging is intrinsically a couples activity, and without couples swinging – well, we’d call that just plain ‘ole casual sex!
But for this lesson, we’ll look at the role of single guys in swinging. (Cue the applause from all the millions of single – and/or pretending to be single! – guys out there).
To be sure, there is a place for single guys in the swinging lifestyle, but before you get yourself all lathered up over the prospect of banging all the women you can handle understand this: you’re coming into this with a severe disadvantage.
If you’re a single female and wondering why you don’t deserve your own lesson – well, yes, it’s true, there are single females who enjoy the lifestyle, attend parties and on-premise clubs regularly and enjoy swinging immensely. And from our careful observation over the years, the number of single female swingers is far less than 1% of entire swinging community, and those ladies pretty much have their pick of whatever and whoever they would like to do with others.
But guys….you poor, poor single guys. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s certainly nothing wrong with being single, and in most circumstances, you’re much more likely to get laid by some ‘strange’ if you’re single as opposed to married. But in the swinging world, you’re just one of millions of ‘wannabe’ swingers, all fighting over the few relatively few couples who are looking to add single guys to their sex life.
So if you’re a single guy in the swinging world, what should you expect?
Well, it depends on the circumstances, of course.
If you’re advertising on a swingers site and you’re 1) being HONEST about being a single male (never, Ever, EVER ‘pretend’ to be a couple if you’re not going to BE a swinging couple!!) and 2) fairly neat, clean, semi-attractive and have a well-written profile you may find yourself lucky enough to hook up with a couple who enjoys a male as a third (or more!) in the bedroom. There certainly are couples like that out there (we happen to be one, albeit we’re pretty picky when it comes to non-shooting-for-website swinging), and our best advice to you in that situation is to be as much of a gentleman as you would be if you were trying to hookup with a single woman. Meet the couple upfront, don’t assume you’re ‘good to go’, be polite and not pushy and find out boundaries before you get things rolling – pretty much the same advice we’d give couples.
If you’re going to a swinger club as a single guy, things are a bit different.
In many cases, single guys are the bane of swinger clubs. For those couples who have been to swinger clubs that allow single guys, you know what I mean: the herd of pathetic-looking, usually sleazy-looking loners with that hungry, horny look in their eye, waiting to find a couple who won’t say NO!
Sorry, no offense, single guys, but as a lot that’s pretty much how you come off. There are exceptions, to be sure, but as a lot…
But if you insist on being one of those single-guy pariah at a swinger club, here’s what you need to know.
Not every swinger club allows single guys, and those that do often restrict how they’re allowed and on what nights. Off-premise clubs and parties often seem to have a ‘bring ‘em along’ rule with single guys – meaning single guys are allowed in if they’re with a couple attending the party. If that’s what you’re looking for and you don’t know any ‘swinging couples’ be specific in your ad on swinger sites that you’re looking for a couple to sponsor you at parties. Most couples will want to meet you first – hey, if they bring you as a guest and you’re an ass, it’s gonna reflect badly on them! – so be prepared to kiss some serious ass.
On-premise clubs seem to be somewhat looser with their rules with single guys, and you’d think that would be a plus…except that the on-premise places (many of which are open either all weekend or all week long) will often restrict what nights single guys are allowed. Oh – and the kicker! – most clubs generally charge single guys much more than they do couples or single females.
With many on-premise clubs that we’ve seen, Friday nights are ‘single guy nights’ where single guys can pay their extra fees and party with the couples (and the good news is you’ll find a lot more ‘single-guy-friendly’ couples on a night specifically set aside for single guys!). The rest of the week many clubs require single guys to come as guests of couples.
As always – check with the club you’re looking to attend for their specific rules.
So let’s say you’ve found a local on-premise club that allows single guys on a Friday night, and you’re all revved up and ready to fuck…what should you expect?
Well, it depends on the club and many other factors. We’ve seen clubs that more-or-less turn into a full group orgy of couples and singles, and we’ve seen clubs where single guys are all but shut out of any action. The best advice we can give is this: there most likely will be, at some point in the night, a woman or women looking for the right single guy or guys to join them. Don’t be pushy, be polite, don’t be too shy or too forward and always be respectful – that’s our best advice.
The biggest thing to remember as a single guy is that you need to have somewhat lower expectations than couples – but you can ‘up your odds’ as it were by 1) being clean, nice-smelling (NOT too much cologne!!) and well groomed 2) being polite to everyone you meet at a party and check the ego at the door and 3) ONLY take part in activities where you’re asked to take part – more than anyone else, single guys need to remember NO means NO!
